Saturday, May 14, 2011

A Battle

I'm struggling at the moment. Struggling to cope...struggling to find peace...struggling in general. It's been one of those weeks where I have just felt "off", "outside of myself", "not there", have you ever had one of those?

To top it all off the media is publicizing the "end of the world 5/21/2011"...and although I know that no one knows the time, day or hour (matthew 24:36) it unnerves me just a bit. I start telling myself I should be stronger in the faith, I should NOT DOUBT, I should be confident that GOD is in control of the situation. I am praying for peace, but not finding it...the Lord is teaching much through all this though. I am finding my prayer life to be more focused (a positive in the midst of this darkness). I know that the enemy would want me to wallow and stress about this for the next week, but I do have a choice. I can either let it "eat away" at me or I can choose to trust in God and rest in HIM who knows all things.

I have picked up my Bible three times in the last 24 hours searching for comfort. Ashamedly that's is much more frequent than usual...perhaps that will be the most positive thing to come from this "trial"....more time with the author and perfector of our faith. I am fearful, confused and tired. I am sure this is just a spiritual battle that will bring about a necessary change in my life and will glorify God when it's done so why am I struggling? I am restless and weary. All I can do is pray....and if I may, I ask that those of you that know me would also pray. Thank you.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Clinging the cross. There is no where else to turn when tragedy like this most recent one strikes. my daughter a little more tightly... battening down the hatches a bit tighter than usual practices...walking around in a clouded daze. In a way, I feel that trust has been violated. Yesterday, I lived in one of the safest communities aroud, today it's a different story.  To think that just last summer my daughter was involved in dance lessons at the studio not 500 feet away from the apts. where this happened!!! That's a bit too close for comfort to me!

But I will reflect and be thankful that we are safe as a family at home, still I  feel the loss as if it were my own. Wanting an answer, a definition for what could possess someone to act out like this, In my humanness I desire justice, but in Christ I feel a call to mercy upon a lost soul that never heard the truth.  I am not to judge, for judgement can only come from above and is His alone. I am angry that a little girl had to die for the authorities to take her seriously. (there are reports that incidences happened two weeks ago between the victim and perpertrator!!!) It causes me to wonder if my daugher would be taken seriously if an issue arose? Have we become so cold as a society that we believe a nine-year old girl "asked" for this? Have we lost all sense of morality that we could possibly think she "provoked" it?  It is just so sad. My heart aches....for all affected by this unnecessary loss.

I am numb.

Monday, May 9, 2011

The Day is Long

Today was a hard one. Lack of focus, energy and basic enthusiam to do anything :-(. By now I should be able to see the monthly clues to an upcoming "fall off the roof". But, gosh, it gets me everytime.  My poor hubby doesn't know how to deal with me, I don't know how to deal with me....except to talk to HIM. There is a bit of comfort in "crying out".

As the day went on the spirit was lifted and by the time I picked R up...I was able to "cope". But the evil one just couldn't let me go....and a beautiful day on the playground quickly gave way to the sins of disobedience (R) and anger (me). It didn't end pretty and privileges were revoked.  But once again our God is we were settling in for bedtime stories and prayers, I opened up the Bible for a nightly devotions. Here is how God spoke:

Psalm 119: 1-8

Blessed are the undefiled in the way who walk in the law of the Lord.  Blessed are they that keep his testimonies, and that seek him with their whole heart. They also do no iniquity, but walk in His ways. Thou has commanded us to keep thy precepts diligently. O that my ways were directed to keep thy statutes. THEN shall I not be ashamed , when I have respect unto all thy commandments.  I will praise thee with uprightness of heart, when I shall have learned thy righteous judgements. I will keep thy statutes: O forsake me not utterly.

HE always knows what we need to "hear" at just the right time. What a great lesson for both R and me! Praise God for his wonderful mercies that are new every morning. I love being able to say tomorrow is a new day and a new opportunity to have a clean slate.  I love that I can teach my daughter these truths and help her to understand what it means to walk in the ways of the Lord.  I LOVE that although I fail daily, those failures lead to opportunities to share struggles and teach life lessons that she will one day pass on to her family.  Although the day started off in a "funk" it is ending in blessing. Thank you Lord Jesus!!!


Hello to all my followers to come....

I am new at this blogging please bear with me as I begin this journey.  I have entitled this blog In Tune with the Spirit because that is truly my desire in my walk with God. To tune in more clearly to what he is saying and leading me to on this journey of life.

I also want to create a type of "journal" for my daughter to read at some point in the future.  I will warn you up front that I plan to be REAL about the struggles and joys that I encounter walking with the Lord and raising my family.  My blog may not always be an easy read, but I will do my best to keep the content enjoyable and encouraging.

I hope that by reading about my life, perhaps someone else can be encouraged or know that someone (myself) is at the same place as them and we need to lean on and pray for each other daily.

Thank you for reading.


Mother's Day

Although I missed sharing the day with my Mom (who was away this year)...I enjoyed not having to split the day in two. It was the first year that Mother's Day was spent with just MY family and I'll admit, that it was really quite nice.  The older I get, the less I can handle the running three places to celebrate the holidays (my parents, in-laws and extended familes).  So when the opportunity to enjoy any holiday with just the three of us arises, I SO look forward to it.

Anyhow, about the day...

 I awoke to breakfast made and on the table, lots of hugs and kisses for mommy and special "surprises" of cards, books, and love from my husband and daughter.

After a wonderful church service, we took a ride over to Central Perkiomen Park  (since I had never been there before) and spent the afternoon walking the trail, running into several people from GCS and Penn Valley church (God is awesome that way, to send "friends" into your path no matter where you are!) and I actually got some time to just SIT and be still with God. (I also happened to take a cat nap...but I quickly forgave myself for the indiscretion and appreciated the time of rest! LOL) The weather was perfect and the sounds of the children playing and birds singing really added to the joy of the day.

What a wonderful Mother's Day!